The Cost of Silence: Why Holding Back Is Holding Your Team Back

THE PROBLEM

Here’s a truth many leaders ignore:
 Feedback delayed is development denied.

In a study by Zenger Folkman, 37% of managers said they avoid giving feedback out of fear of confrontation. And yet, 65% of employees say they want more feedback — not less. Even worse, Gallup found that employees who receive zero feedback are 43% more likely to be actively disengaged.

This tells us one thing:
 We think silence is being “nice,” but in reality, silence is a slow killer of growth.

As leaders, we’re often told to pick our battles, keep the peace, or wait for the right moment. But in many cases, waiting too long to give honest feedback or ask hard questions doesn’t create peace. It creates confusion, resentment, and stagnation.

This module of LEAD360 confronts one of the toughest — but most necessary — habits of strong leadership: saying what needs to be said.

WHY LEADERS STAY SILENT

Most of us don’t like confrontation. We’ve been shaped by a culture — especially in the Philippines — where “pakikisama” (getting along) is a prized value. So we avoid uncomfortable conversations and hope things fix themselves.

Here are some of the most common reasons leaders stay silent:

• “I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”
• “Maybe it’s just a phase.”
• “They should know better by now.”
• “I don’t want to be the bad guy.”

But here’s the truth: Silence doesn’t protect feelings. It postpones learning.

And every time we delay a difficult conversation, we choose comfort over courage.

THE COST OF SILENCE

Avoiding tough conversations might feel easier in the short term, but the long-term costs are high:

• Poor performance continues unchecked.
• Toxic behavior spreads and goes unaddressed.
• Good employees feel unfairly treated.
• The team loses trust in the leader.

When people don’t know where they stand, they start guessing.
 And guessing leads to stress, anxiety, and disengagement.

In short, when leaders stay silent, they aren’t being kind — they’re being unclear.
And as leadership expert Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”

OUR SIMPLE FRAMEWORK: G.I.V.E. FEEDBACK

At LEAD360, we equip leaders to step into difficult conversations with clarity and compassion.
 Our feedback framework is called G.I.V.E. — a 4-step approach to delivering honest feedback that helps people grow, not shrink.

G — Go to the Person Quickly

The longer you wait, the harder it gets.

Feedback is like milk — it has an expiration date. If someone made a mistake or showed a pattern of poor behavior, talk to them while the moment is still fresh.

Instead of waiting for the next performance review, approach it within the week.

Say something like:
 “Can I give you some quick feedback on the client call earlier today?”

The quicker the feedback, the more likely it leads to learning instead of defensiveness.

I — Invite Growth, Not Shame

The goal of feedback isn’t to punish — it’s to grow.

Avoid labels like “You’re careless” or “You’re lazy.” Focus on behaviors, not identity.

Try this:
 “When you interrupted the client, it made us seem unprepared. I know you meant well — but how can we handle that better next time?”

This lets the person reflect without shutting down.
 It’s accountability with respect.

V — Validate the Relationship

Before or after giving tough feedback, remind the person that you’re on their side.

Say things like:
 “I want to tell you this because I believe in your potential.”
or
 “I know this isn’t easy to hear, but I care about your success.”

Feedback lands better when people feel safe, not judged.
 A trusted relationship opens the door to hard truths.

E — Establish Clear Next Steps

Feedback without follow-through is just criticism.

Be clear on what needs to happen next.

Say:
 “Let’s check in again on Friday to see how this goes.”
or
 “I’ll support you with role-playing before your next client meeting.”

When you make the next step specific, the feedback becomes a tool for action — not just reflection.

CASE STUDY: THE TEAM THAT NEVER GOT FEEDBACK

A mid-level manager at a marketing agency kept telling herself that one of her team members was just “going through something.” This person was often late, handed in incomplete work, and avoided collaboration. The manager didn’t say anything for months.

Eventually, the team lost patience. Another teammate resigned, saying,
 “You kept giving that person chances, but never gave the rest of us the same grace.”

The lesson?
 By staying silent with one person, the leader unknowingly harmed the entire team.

TRAINING ACTIVITY: PRACTICE A CONVERSATION

Here’s a quick activity to help you get better at giving feedback:

1. Think of someone you’ve been avoiding a conversation with.
2. Use the G.I.V.E. framework to script your message.

Example:
 G: “Hey, can I give you feedback on the meeting earlier?”
 I: “You raised your voice when discussing the delay. It came off as aggressive, even though I know you were frustrated.”
 V: “I value your leadership. That’s why I think it’s important we work on this.”
 E: “Let’s figure out a phrase you can use next time to express urgency without sounding harsh.”

Try it. You might be surprised how well it works when done with care.

BEHAVIORAL SCIENCE INSIGHT: WHY FEEDBACK WORKS

Research from Harvard Business Review shows that employees are more motivated by developmental feedback than praise — when it’s delivered constructively.

Here’s what science tells us:

• The Feedback Intervention Theory says people grow when feedback focuses on the task, not the person.
• The “Fear of Evaluation” Effect can be reduced by building psychological safety first.
• The NeuroLeadership Institute found that feedback that triggers a sense of status loss shuts down learning. But feedback that reinforces identity and offers a path forward lights up the brain’s reward centers.

Translation?
 Give feedback like you’re handing someone a flashlight, not a punch.
Help them see the path, not their flaws.

HOW TO APPLY THIS DAILY AS A LEADER

Here’s how you can G.I.V.E. feedback in everyday leadership:

To a team member who keeps missing deadlines:
 “I noticed you missed three deadlines this month. I want to help you figure out what’s getting in the way so we can course-correct together.”

To someone with great potential who’s becoming passive:
 “You’ve been quieter in meetings. I want to see you take up space again — you have a lot to offer.”

To someone who’s negatively affecting morale:
 “Your jokes sometimes come off as criticism. Can we talk about how to keep humor without hurting others?”

These aren’t confrontations. They’re coaching conversations.
 And they change everything.

SUMMARY: KINDNESS IS TRUTH, DELIVERED WELL

Silence feels safe.
 It feels polite.
 It feels like you’re giving someone space.

But if you’re leading a team, silence can be the most unkind thing you do.

Leadership isn’t just about support. It’s about stretching people toward growth — even when that means difficult conversations.

When you speak up with clarity and care, your team grows.
 When you don’t, they stay stuck.

YOUR NEXT STEP

Think of someone you’ve stayed silent with.
 What conversation are you avoiding that could unlock their growth?

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